Good Learning Co.
SavannahYear 8
← English
EnglishWriting at length, then making it better30 min★★★ difficulty

Redrafting: the four passes

Redrafting is not tidying spelling. It is changing vocabulary, grammar and structure so the writing actually works better. Four separate passes beat one vague read-through.

Lesson overview

What you'll learn in this lesson

Amend the vocabulary, grammar and structure of their writing to improve its coherence and overall effectiveness

Key learning points

  • • Pass one: order
  • • Pass two: cut
  • • Pass three: sentences and words
  • • Pass four: proofread properly

This lesson at a glance

  • 30 minutes
  • 19 parts to scroll through
  • 4 quick checks
  • Marked quiz at the end
  • Gentle pace: short sittings with pauses

Words to know

vocabularygrammarstructurewritingimprove

Scroll down — the lesson carries on below

Part 1 of 19 · Discover5%
1

Watch & discover

Part 1 of 19

Watch first

Redrafting: the four passes

An English teaching video on this topic from Business English Benjamin · engVid. Watch it, then scroll down for the lesson.

In a nutshell

Amend the vocabulary, grammar and structure of their writing to improve its coherence and overall effectiveness

2

What you already know

Part 2 of 19

Before we start

What you already know

You need a piece of your own extended writing to work on.

Recap: Writing at length without falling apart
3

Key words

Part 3 of 19

Key words

Words you'll need today

Draft
A version of a piece that you intend to change.
Cut
Removing words that do no work - usually the biggest improvement available.
Restructure
Moving whole paragraphs or sentences to improve the order.
Filler
Padding such as 'really', 'very', 'basically', 'the fact that'.
Proofread
The final accuracy check, done last and slowly.
4

Learning cycle

Part 4 of 19

Learning cycle 1 of 2

Structure and content passes

A short piece of teaching, then a check to make sure it has landed.

5

Explore the idea

Part 5 of 19

Learn

Pass one: order

Read only your topic sentences, in order. Do they build? If two say the same thing, merge them; if the strongest is second, move it last. Structural fixes are the highest-value edits, and they are impossible to see while you are also worrying about commas - which is why order comes first.

6

Explore the idea

Part 6 of 19

Learn

Pass two: cut

Delete filler. 'It is really quite important to remember the fact that uniform is basically expensive' becomes 'Uniform is expensive.' Aim to lose a tenth of your words. Cutting almost always raises the mark, because what remains is denser and the assessor meets your ideas sooner.

7

Quick check

Part 7 of 19

Quick check

Which pass should come first?

8

Quick check

Part 8 of 19

Quick check

'It is really quite important to remember the fact that uniform is basically expensive' is best cut to...

9

Reset break

Part 9 of 19

Pause

That's sitting 1 of 2 done

Stretch, get a drink, look out of the window. There is no timer and nothing is counting down — your place is saved, so you can come back in five minutes or tomorrow.

Stop here for now
10

Learning cycle

Part 10 of 19

Learning cycle 2 of 2

Sentence and accuracy passes

A short piece of teaching, then a check to make sure it has landed.

11

Explore the idea

Part 11 of 19

Learn

Pass three: sentences and words

Now vary sentence openings so three in a row do not start the same way, break any sentence you run out of breath reading, and upgrade two or three vague words to precise ones. Change 'the man went quickly' to 'the man hurried' - one word doing two words' work.

12

Explore the idea

Part 12 of 19

Learn

Pass four: proofread properly

Read the last sentence first and work backwards, so meaning stops carrying you past errors. Check the things you personally get wrong - your own list, whether that is homophones, apostrophes or missing full stops. Then stop. Endless fiddling after this point tends to make writing worse, not better.

13

Quick check

Part 13 of 19

Quick check

'The man went quickly' becomes stronger as...

14

Quick check

Part 14 of 19

Quick check

Reading backwards during proofreading helps because...

15

Common mix-ups

Part 15 of 19

Common mix-ups

Things people often get wrong

  • Redrafting is not proofreading - accuracy is only the last pass.
  • Adding more words is rarely the fix; cutting usually is.
  • You cannot fix structure and commas in the same read.
  • Feedback you do not act on changes nothing - redraft the same piece.
16

Challenge round

Part 16 of 19

Game · Sort it

Which of these are true?

Drag each card into the right column. Tap a card first if dragging is fiddly.

True

Not true

17

Challenge round

Part 17 of 19

Game · Fill the gaps

Finish the sentences

Choose the word that belongs in each gap.

Endless fiddling after this point tends to make ____ worse, not better.

18

Mastery quiz

Part 18 of 19

Marked quiz

End of lesson quiz: Redrafting: the four passes

6 questions, marked with the reasoning shown. No timer.

  1. 1. Filler words include...

  2. 2. Cutting a tenth of your words usually...

  3. 3. If your strongest point is currently second, you should...

  4. 4. Proofreading belongs...

  5. 5. Three sentences starting the same way is a problem of...

  6. 6. Acting on feedback means...

19

Lesson round-up

Part 19 of 19

Lesson round-up

Ready when you are

Quiz score

Not sat

Games

Not played

Points this lesson

0

Best run

0 in a row

Luna: 0 out of 4 on the practice checks. Only if you feel up to it — one more?

Ask Luna

Do the work

Your written work for this lesson

This is the part you'd do in your book at school. Pick the pieces below, write here or on paper, and photograph anything you draw or work out.

Extract

The last bus

The bus shelter smelled of wet coats. Mira pressed her timetable flat against the glass, as though staring at the numbers might make the 9:42 appear. Rain tapped the roof in small, impatient fingers. Somewhere behind her, a shop shutter came down with a sound like a full stop.

She had been brave all day. She had been brave in the corridor, brave at lunch, brave when the register reached her name and nobody looked up. Being brave, she decided, was mostly a matter of keeping your face still.

Headlights swung around the corner and lit the puddles gold. Mira picked up her bag. Tomorrow she would say something. Tonight she would simply go home.

Original extract written for Good Learning Co.

Reading questions

  1. Find two words or phrases that show how Mira is feeling, and explain what each one suggests.
  2. How does the writer use the weather and the sounds to build the mood? Use a short quotation.
  3. Write the next paragraph in the same style, keeping the writer's short sentences at the moments that matter.

  • Reading response

    Reading

    Read the extract again, then write about how the writer makes you feel that way. Use a short quotation and explain your choice of words.

    2 paragraphs (PEE)

  • Extended writing

    Writing

    Write your piece in full, then redraft the opening so it hooks the reader.

    250–350 words

  • Reading log

    Reading

    Note the book, the pages you read and one thing you noticed about the writing.

    20 minutes' reading

Saved as you type.

Part 1 of 19 · Watch & discover

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